we have pet lesbian snakes
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
