So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize