you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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