Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You ruined the universe
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
