you have to choose: penises or morals?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
