It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
