Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
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