Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
