Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
