did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
