Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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