Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
me + whiskey = a bad person
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
