my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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