dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
