first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize