What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
