Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
