WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
