i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
