we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
