Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
