Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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