Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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