How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Ladies don't puke and tell
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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