I accidentally burped into my bong.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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