I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
