Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
