I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
