A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
