please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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