Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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