I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
