the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
