i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
