Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
