waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
