She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
