based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
