1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
