Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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