I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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