Pregnant stripper...not hot.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
