I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
