I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
