im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
