I will die if light touches me.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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