Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
