How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
