Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
