My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
