I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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