and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
