im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
