I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
