He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
