I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
