He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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