I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
