You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
