Pants 0. Shit 1.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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