Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
