i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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