What did we do last night that was yellow?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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