She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I have tasted many bathrooms
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
