Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
