He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
