I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
