I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
