Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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