May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
