She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
