How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
