She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
