I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
