tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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