Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Randomize