he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
