I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
birth control should be required to get into college
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
